My mind is shifting, my body at times as well. This newer era is being exposed through the clouds, the mist, through the cold. The past twelve months I have been moving through fear, pain, resentment, confusion, tears, heartbreak, sadness, endings. A time of digging through the shadow, the darkness. A time of sitting with my wounds and simply just listening to them. Sinking down deep into my inner self and being present. A time that was very, very clearly taking its time. When I tried to speed things up it simply showed me, that it needed time and presence from me. It needed me to be seated inside the process.
Through the clouds, the mist, the cold even this new era is becoming more visible. I had to create space for myself to be able to see where I was finding myself. I had to remind myself over and over again to listen to my intuition, what she was telling me. Internally I had to turn silent, I had to let go of what already was, so my personal and sacred space of healing could sprout. Now, everyday I remind myself to turn inwards, to create space, to listen to my intuition and through this I can feel myself shifting.
The darkness is my greatest teacher and it holds so much wisdom. Finding myself in that space was terrifying. I felt so lost and scared, I had no clue where this process was going to take me. Time and time again when fear would take over I guided myself back towards my intuition. And my goddess, one of the things I learned during the Summer is that healing isn’t linear. It is cyclical and I found so much beauty within that. Because so am I and so is the Moon. I am moving from dark to new, to full to dark again. I have found so much wisdom and medicine within this eye opener.
I am still constantly dancing with fear. Playing with her, mothering her, listening to her. I am getting to know this boiling emotion of mine better and better. The dance is becoming more familiar to me. I know which parts need my love, my listening ear, my playfulness. And through this my fear isn’t even necessarily hugely shrinking or disappearing I am getting to know her. I am learning what drives the fear, what’s creating it.
The darkness -my shadow- is part of me. It’s a wise teacher. And with these shorter days where the nights truly seem to fall upon me I remind myself there is so much wisdom and medicine surrounding me.
IJsselvrouw 