Breathing

Breathing.

Lately I have been thinking about a certain memory of about five years ago. Where Tom and I were having a conversation on breathing. Practicing to breathe all the way down into my belly was something new back then which Tom had introduced me to. On multiple occasions we were lying on our back, with one hand resting on our belly. To feel our belly rise as we drew in a deep breath and for our belly to lower as we exhaled. It still requires tons of practice for me but back then it was so foreign to me. The whole thing felt so unnatural and weird. I really had to remember to extend my belly with each inhale and to draw it in with each exhale. “Wasn’t breathing supposed to come easy and natural?” I kept asking myself.

Recently I was talking about this subject matter with my mother. She told me about the time when she used to practice yoga and how during those classes this breathing exercise was practiced. She told me it wasn’t easy for her at all, as she did the whole thing the other way around. Her belly lowered while she took a deep breath and it rose up with each exhale. I had experienced this too. When my mind wandered off, so did my breathing. I had to be very, very focused solely on breathing. Which, also taught me a lot. Both my mom and I learned the simple practice of breathing doesn’t mean it’s easy in the slightest.

With time and with practice I started to notice how ‘high’ I was breathing and how it felt like I was limiting myself or if like I was cutting myself short. Over the years conscious practice has become easier but I still catch myself breathing real high or even holding my breath especially when I am nervous, a bit stressed or emotional. But I am also telling myself, “Through time I have learned to be aware of it when it happens”. And you know, when you become aware of your own behaviour, you are able to work on changing it with each time you catch yourself doing it again.

That I never had connected the dots, is both surprising to me and not at all.

A bloated belly led me to the realization of being completely disconnected to this part of my being. But still one realization does not automatically lead me to another. (Is that what becoming still truly means? Closing my eyes and to dare to be led to, perhaps, another realization. I think that’s what trusting the Universe truly entails but I would say all of this is what learning entails.) I figured it had to do with my breathing, my eating pattern and what I was eating and those things might be and might have been contributers but at one point in my life I could not get around the concept of the seven Chakras any longer. For a long time I was kinda like ‘yeah, yeah, sure’. Due to having difficulty swallowing and accepting concepts and ideas at times when they feel like they are being shoved down my throat. (Hello marketing I am talking to you!) So due to my ‘yeah, yeah, sure’ attitude it took me a while to be willing enough to learn about the Chakras. The seven Chakras are simply the centers in our bodies where energy flows through. I am using the word ‘simply’ because it so much, to me, felt like, ‘well yeah of course we have those’. Way before the whole shoving down my throat-thing, I felt like I knew their presence through feeling them. Can I have my own process please? That’s what I demanded for myself but wanting things on your own terms can also mean taking way longer to get there. Being stubborn or as Tom would probably call it, me being a freedom warrior can mean taking the long route. Everyone their own process right, ah, the liberty.
That’s the part that didn’t surprise me for not connecting the dots. Because blinding yourself becomes obvious at one point. I guess what surprised me is that I allowed myself to be blinded by myself and thus kept myself from connecting the dots.

Ok, the Sacral Chakra. As I was familiarizing myself more and more with the concept of the Chakras I was especially interested and drawn to the second Chakra, the Sacral Chakra. After all this area of my being felt like complete haywire. My lower belly and lower back were seriously asking for assistance. This Chakra is associated with the emotional body, sensuality and creativity. It is also associated with the lymphatic system (which also for me now is like a huge connection point). It’s the place where all (my) feelings and emotions are stored. While meditating I concentrated deeply on breathing in real deep and through this to start visualizing the energy in my second Chakra flowing smoothly and evenly again. Especially during winter time I enjoyed burning an orange candle while meditating, placing orange Calcite in the center of my Goddess (which I also talked about a bit in my previous posted piece of writing), or wearing orange Calcite or Golden Topaz on a necklace and placing orange flowers in my house and on my Mesa. All of these things were reminders to placemy attention and devotion to this area of my being in order to heal. When I would walk about through our apartment and when I would notice the flowers or when I was going about my day and all of a sudden I would feel the necklace I was wearing, my attention was brought back to this part of me that longed for healing. Along with these reminders, I started infusing olive oil with Marigold this past January and I am putting this beautiful mixture on my skin which feels like the warmest embrace. Plus just this past month I felt a great pull towards burning Copal. What a beautiful, warming and gentle guide with the most unbelievable scent if like I am coming home.

Another dot to connect came to me when a gentle voice from the woman across from me, who was guiding me into meditation. She told me to focus on my energy center which is located right below my bellybutton. And to imagine its light growing with each breath I drew in until it covered my whole entire being, until I felt like I was (becoming) the light. I remember thinking ‘the center of my energy? Right below my bellybutton? But! What! Of course! When I got home I was determined to learn more. So I started to do some research. I stumbled upon the concept of the (lower) Dantian (or Hara or Kath). “It is considered the physical center of gravity of the human body and is the seat of one’s internal energy (Qi) in Chinese, Korean and Japanse traditions.”

So that’s where I am at, at this point in time. Very much so walking the path of learning more and more about breathing, healing and energy. Learning more about the Dantians, Qi and the Meridians.