The lessons traveling is teaching me always surprise me in the best way possible. It is like going on a hunt for new emotions due to indulging myself in new experiences. I think above all what appeals to me most about it is, deciding very consciously to challenge myself. It gives a feeling of motion.
It demands my attention, there’s no way around it. It is like bringing myself towards my own obstacles instead of waiting for them to find me. It is a constant force of attention I cannot get around. It is like ‘Hé! Pay attention. Look me in the eyes. Now stare.’
Lately I have been finding it hard to sit still. ‘I want to do this, this, oh ánd this!’. And it is the weirdest thing in the sense of how it makes me feel so extremely distracted but focused at the same time. I am disgusted by how I want to do everything I want right now but it also feels so extremely human. You know, I try to remind myself, deep, long breaths are what is important. The rest will merely follow.
Simply just really having to grow personally and developing myself is something I have not found in such an extreme form anywhere else and I think that is what makes it so addictive if you will. The fear, pushing myself, the adrealine, the feeling of overcoming myself, it is like I said; a feeling of motion. A feeling of forward motion.
At night I am exhausted for all the right reasons (which obviously are only my personal right reasons) and it is like fuck! Yes! Life!
IJsselvrouw 